I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
