I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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