She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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