Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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