Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
