Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
