I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
