I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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