god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
