tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
