Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
