He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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