PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
