How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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