glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
