I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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