Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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