I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
