i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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