so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
