My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
