nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just high enough for therapy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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