I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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