someone get that fucking seahorse.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
