Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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