Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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