How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
