just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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