She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
