i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
