Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
