You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
