He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
