Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
only you would photoshop your dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
