if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
