Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
