ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
