she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
