she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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