We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
