Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
