i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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