mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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