I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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