Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
