Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
