k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
