Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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