Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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