he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
